Tuesday, January 12, 2016

I'm "just" "sorry"...Changing My Words

Really, I'm not, but it's something I am working on as a personal change of habit. I realized, more often than not, the fall back words of "sorry" and "just" keep sneaking their way into my vocabulary when I feel like I need to seem compliant, super perky, or easy going. This got me thinking, for what exactly am I sorry? Why do I feel the need to minimize my statement, my own personality, with "just" ...

I prefer to keep the people around me happy, but there are times where I know what I have to say may not be what they want to hear. In an effort to soften a blow, I begin to crutch my word choice with these words. The thing is, it's not what I really mean and it muddles what I am trying to convey. In the end, I'm annoyed with myself, and come off as more wishy-washy than I'd prefer.

It also has nothing to do with the whole snarky #sorrynotsorry attitude. If anything, it's going to help me not be as willing to take a #sorrynotsorry response. Plus, it's a matter of respect for myself, as well as the other party. I need to respect myself enough to be me, and I need to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and respect that they'll be ok with my no random apologies approach. Random is the key word there.

If I've made a mistake, sure, then "sorry" is perfectly acceptable. But, to say, "Sorry, the kids needed dinner and I just needed a minute" when responding to a text really doesn't need those two words. "Kids were hungry and I needed to get dinner together" is the truth, and it's simple and to the point. In fact, pretty sure my husband wouldn't even think twice about a text like that, but I do. I'll wonder did that sound too harsh or terse...and forget it if the other person fails to respond back within a few minutes. Then I worry that I insulted them or came off angry.

For myself, I am trying to shift this matter of thinking and to realize it's ok to say what you mean and not have to be so passive about it. Now, I am also not going to start throwing around the **tch card, I-don't-give-a-damn attitude because that just creates a whole different dynamic and issues. I am going to allow myself to be. I'll read through an email and go through deleting all the unnecessary "sorry" and "just" inserts that I find. I'll pause a moment before starting a sentence "sorry" when I want to know something.  Instead a "Would you please tell me about this information?" still works, doesn't throw me into a standoffish personality. but doesn't minimize my need for the knowledge the response will give me.

I'm discovering that pleasing people doesn't mean I need to diminish who I am . You can still be respectful and gracious, without cushioning who you want to be with "sorry" and "just." In the long run, you really may be just sorry for all it.

So, join me in riding yourself of these two words if you find you are as guilty as I with their overuse. It will be hard at first, but once you start making yourself more aware of it and wanting to adjust, the easier it gets.