In this video, around time marker 3.32, she reveals her history of struggling with her body image, how it was affected after having lost weight due to medical issues, and how it's factored into doing what she does. At the end she mentions how she is finally embracing where she is physically but hopes to be able to get healthier again. In just a few phrases, I realized I wasn't alone out there. Sure, it sounds odd, but in the world of "lose weight fast" and "get yourself model skinny" diets, I felt like the odd woman out with having lost my weight due to medical issues. That's when I realized that maybe this post was needed, so that others could have a connection as well.

But then things changed. I had to step away from being a fitness instructor, our growing family needed to find a larger home, and in process of moving into said home, I blew out a disc in my back thanks to an old, improperly diagnosed injury. This wasn't just a little bulge, I mean lost a full inch to my height blow out. The process to get through this injury was mind numbing, discouraging and crippling. The first few months were spent on major painkillers and muscles relaxers, then onto painful steroid shots that only worked for maybe 3 weeks each time, and resulted in laparoscopic back surgery and physical therapy. Overall, I was on those strong meds for about 9-10 months.

I sought out a GI specialist when I hit the 30lbs lost in 2 months mark. Thankfully, and I mean with tears in my eyes thankful, he moved quickly to determine what was going on and get things fixed. A few tests later, the problem revealed itself, a lazy gallbladder. My body wasn't able to digest properly because my GI tract wasn't functioning the way it should with a gallbladder that wouldn't empty properly. It was almost a fight or flight reaction for the rest of my GI tract with the inability of my gallbladder to function. Since I had just recently gone under surgery, my doctor encouraged me to do more of a diet change and medication approach first to see if we could fix it without a scalpel.
With a majorly modified diet, and medications and supplements I need to take daily, I am happy to say that I not only am I able to function again, but the weight stopped slipping away and out of control. Slowly, things are healing and getting better. Yes, I still have episodes and am now left with IBS due to the damage the pain meds left in their wake to my digestive tract. But, it's under my control and as long as I am careful, I can maintain and do things.
What I didn't expect to experience from all of this, though, was a "wolf in sheep's clothing" existence.

Along with my own personal battle with my image, others, who may think they were helping, have contributed to this confusion in the long run. I hope that most of them were unintentional "foot in mouth" cases, but some were truly insensitive and vicious. I'm just going to share a few things that were actually said to me while I was losing the weight and after I finally reached a point where I could maintain it....
"Bet that back injury was the best thing to happen to you
then...well you know because you got so thin."
"You look so much better! What did you do?"
"Come on, tell the truth, you really got a lapband deal thing
right? It wasn't really back surgery."
"You don't have to prove anything. You're skinny enough now
so just stop."
"How long before it comes back on, though?"
"Tell the truth, you have an eating disorder don't you..."
........
To sum it up, No. But I really didn't feel like I looked that awful. Yeah, cause back surgery is SO much easier to fake. NO. If only it were that easy. Well hopefully some might so I don't feel so weird in my own eyes. No, but some days I would love nothing more to just eat what I'd like without fearing the aftermath of pain. And for the question I am sure more are thinking, "Why not just get the gallbladder removed?" is even easier to answer. It won't fix the problem. Yeah, the painful attacks will stop, but I'll still have a body that doesn't digest certain foods easily like it used to be able to, and it needs time to heal. I'll stick with my new diet and lifestyle and hope I can keep that scalpel and anesthesia at bay for a few more years (decades) if possible.
